I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
