after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
