remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
