dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
