I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
