I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize