Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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