Are we in a gay sports bar?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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