okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
