Porn is love you can see.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
