This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
