I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
