Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
