i jhust puked up my retainher.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
