If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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