Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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