You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
