I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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