pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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