Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
