I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's paper in my vomit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
