5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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