We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
