I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize