JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
