you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
