Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
