What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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