I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
