the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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