just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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