I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
smell my finger.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
