My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
