Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
