I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
