i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
