Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
