I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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