Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
