I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
