okay pat passed out under dana's car
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
