i may or may not be watching the land before time
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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