girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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