I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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