fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
