I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
