it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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