i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
