I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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