This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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