is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
