I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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