In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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