Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
