I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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