This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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