there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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