Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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