I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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