there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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