not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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