Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
