Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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