Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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