fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
